


The Relativity of Size

by LadyInGrey



Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: Gen, Humor, Robots, Size Difference, Spine is an annoying little shit pass it on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 19:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/853194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyInGrey/pseuds/LadyInGrey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Spine is six inches tall and angry as hell about it. No one is particularly helpful with the issue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy! So, this is my first ever SPG fic, stemming from a dream and bad advice on priorities from friends. It's currently a one-shot, but I am open to continuing it! For now, I hope you enjoy this ridiculous story.

It was an odd sight for everyone involved, but whether it was due to the mildly mangled automaton lying on the table, the very irritated miniature version of him inspecting it, or the two unharmed ones' constant attempts to grab him was up for debate, however.

“I told you not to,” the tiny one growled, pulling at its counterpart's sleeve, ripped up and covered in good old desert dirt. “I specifically said that I don't want to do this, and you did it anyway. Relationships rely on trust, which means when someone says no to a thing, you damn well don't do it!” he smacked away a hand that attempted to snag his hat, causing its owner to softly whine as they pulled it back despite the metal skin shielding it from any real pain.

“Oh my god, Spine, you're making a big deal out of nothing,” was the reply from Michael as he crouched next to the inactive robot, inspecting the damage. There was a muffled laughter within the room and the mechanic grinned. “See what I did there? Big deal? You get it?”

Despite his reduced size, The Spine still managed a cutting glare to the human, who nervously cleared his throat and went back to the task at hand.

“Listen, I know you don't like it, but it's the best option for everyone, you don't have to spend a week in here, groaning and moaning while I repair nearly half of your systems, and I don't have to listen to your complain while I do it.” he explained, but the robot was still not satisfied.

“I could've just gone into stasis, a simple and conventional solution, as opposed to...this!” he disparagingly gestured to his current body, completely identical to the immobile one on the table, right down to the outfit, with only the slight difference of about six feet in height.

Michael just sighed and lifted his goggles off of his eyes. “Maybe, but you got knocked up pretty bad, so it might to more harm than good. Besides, you and I both know who's the voice of reason around here is, a week with you out of commission would mean havoc all across the manor.”

It didn't seem to be his lucky day, however, as The Spine's response was to shoot him another glare and fold his arms over his chest. “As much as I appreciate that sentiment, this is still a terrible idea! These models were only built for reference and testing mechanics, not actual use! Do you know how fragile these can be? If I so much as tripped, I'd probably shatter into thousands of little gears and metal bits!”

“Well, then you probably shouldn't run in front of cars.” It was the first comment Rabbit had made in a while, causing Spine to immediately send his silent fury in the copper bot's direction , Michael to facepalm, and Jon to simply grin and nod in agreement.

“Rabbit,” he spoke slowly, fists clenched at his side as he scowled up at his brother. “I wouldn't have had to run in front of that car if the two of you hadn't been playing in the _road_!” While his deep voice was usually quite unnerving, the fact that it was coming out of a creature no bigger than a pen made it difficult to take seriously. 

Jon opened his mouth to make a comment, but Michael could sense this ending poorly and decided to step in. “He's right, guys. You're lucky he shoved you out of the way, did you see how fast that car was going? You might be metal, but I don't think you could survive a hit from that.”

“Well, then how did he?” Rabbit asked, poking his younger brother in the side and getting an angry hiss in return. Michael sighed again and resigned himself to his work.

“Spine's made of titanium, Rabbit,” he explained as he snapped his goggles back on. “That's a lot stronger than copper or brass, so although he's pretty messed up from taking that hit, he's not unfixable. It's just going to take a while to repair the damage, I'd say a week, tops, to make sure everything's in working order.”

“A week,” the tiny bot muttered. “A week of getting tossed around and manhandled, that's just wonderful,” Jon chose this moment to make another grab for his hat, to which Spine quickly ducked and whacked his hand away yet again. “And would you _stop_ that!?”

“All of you, quit it, now,” Michael said as he reached for the blowtorch. “You're over a hundred years old, not twelve. Now, Spine, I gotta weld the panelling on your arm back into place, so I suggest you skedaddle for a bit, unless you'd rather be a puddle of titanium goop for the next few days.”

He could sense the oncoming sarcastic remark, but the comeback was cut short by Jon shouting, “Oh, I'll take him!” and grabbing The Spine around his waist, resulting in a rather indignant whine sound escaping his mouth as he lifted him up.

“Jon, put me down right now!” he shouted as the younger robot haphazardly swung him over to Rabbit.

“I think I like him better this way,” the copper one grinned, gently patting him on the back with his index finger. “When he yells, it just sounds like he's talking normally!”

“I swear, you two, if I have to ask one more time-” He continued to rant, but the pair seemed oblivious to the threats, as they excitedly chatted between themselves regardless of the shouts being hurled at them.

“Oh my gosh, Rabbit,” Jon beamed. “Do you know what we can do?”

“A lot?” his brother asked.

“Well, yes, but look! Spine's all tiny and stuff, so we could easily-”

“Jon, if you say another word I swear I will end you.” their small charge called up.

“Make him a quesadilla big enough to ride!”

“Oh my god, yes!”

“No!”

Michael didn't have enough time to get a word in on their plans before the two automatons scurried out, but the look The Spine was able to shoot him as they did made him question the of his future employment at the Walter Manor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Spine has a minor breakdown and Walter Girl C asserts her title as the Dame of Deadpan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I lied, this isn't a one-shot, I ended up writing another chapter because it's too hard to ignore how adorable a tiny Spine is.

“They dropped me in the frying pan.”

“So you've said.”

“They were making a quesadilla and dropped me in it,” The Spine repeated as he attempted to make sure he'd gotten the last of the melted cheese off of himself. “How do you drop someone into a quesadillia!?”

“Well, you loosen your grip and they tend to slide right out.” Walter Girl Carolina didn't bother to look up from her newspaper as she spoke, but could still feel The Spine's glower on the back of her neck.

“Miss Carolina, with all due respect, I don't think you're taking this seriously.”

She stole a quick glance to the tiny automaton standing on the chair's armrest, looking indignantly at her while still having a few stray bits of his siblings' concoction stuck to his suit.

“I assure you, as an employee of Walter Robotics, I take everything you say with the utmost seriousness and concern, Mr. Spine. Also, there's sour cream on your elbow.”

He rather unsubtly attempted to wipe the stain off. “Well, you don't seem to be doing much concerning now.”

“Because it seems you have solved your own problem, therefore my intervention is no longer needed,” she flipped to the television listings and began to look through the night's offerings. “Hey, The Day the Earth Stood Still is on tonight, you might like it, there's a big robot in it that takes itself too seriously.”

He either didn't hear her comment or chose to ignore it, as he ranted on. “This is not solved! I had to run away when they weren't looking, and this house is only so big-”

“Could've fooled me on that one.”

“They'll find me again eventually, and god knows what they'll get up to afterwards. I've only been stuck in this ridiculous chassis for two hours, I don't think I can survive for seven days.”

Carolina sighed and dropped the paper into her lap, turning to the tiny contraption who now looked rather pitiful from wallowing in his worries. “Spine, listen, you need to calm down. You don't like being fun-sized, I get it, but it's not the end of the world. This is just one week out of the hundreds of thousands you're going to live.”

“Not if they kill me before Michael's finished the repairs, which is quite likely considering their endeavours so far...” he rambled on, more to himself than the technician. “That will be my legacy, not serving in four wars, or being in a world famous band, but that my brothers dropped me into a frying pan and I was smothered by mozzarella.” he looked up at Carolina, hoping for support, but got an apathetic eyebrow raise instead.

“Are you programmed to be overly dramatic?”

He sighed and folded his arms over his chest, attempting to regain composure. “I think you'll find that I am being one hundred percent within the range of drama for this situation.”

It was at that moment that Rabbit and The Jon came barrelling into the study, tripping over one another and practically rolling up to the woman's feet in a clump of copper and brass. At the sight of them, The Spine's knee-jerk response was to let out a high pitched scream and shield himself, causing the tiny bot to lose his balance and topple off the armrest and face first onto the poof of Carolina's skirt. She looked down at him, lips pressed together in a tight smirk.

“Yes, you're very obviously only supplying the appropriate amount of drama, no more, no less,” There was a muffled reply that sounded an awful lot like an explicit, to which she chuckled, and turned her attention to the mess of metal at her feet. “Hello, boys, what can I help you with?”

“Hello Miss Carolina!” the younger one grinned, tipping his hat as best as he could from his current position, and his brother followed suite. “Have you seen The Spine anywhere?” There was another muted threat, and she smiled as she subtlety attempted to cover him with her hand.

“Sorry, haven't seen him all day, glad for it too, he seems unusually grumpy.” This got her a kick to the palm, which she responded to by wrapping her fingers around his legs to immobilize them.

“Yeah, that's because he's all t-t-t-tiny and stuff,” Rabbit explained as he attempted to untangle himself from The Jon's. “But Jon and I both agree we like him a lot better this way.”

“Really?” she asked. “I'd think it would make him twice as obnoxious.” He struggled again in her grip.

The Jon shrugged. “He whines a lot, but that's pretty normal.”  
“Plus, we don't ha-ha-have to hear it as much,” Rabbit continued. “And it's a lot easier to make him go along with our plans!” Jon nodded along.

“Yeah! We were gonna goad Marshmallow into chasing him around and stuff!” The Spine was now frantically wriggling in an escape attempt, making it difficult for the Walter Girl to keep a straight face.

“Isn't Marshmallow already ten feet tall?” she enquired, and they both bobbed their heads enthusiastically.

“It's going to be awesome!” Rabbit beamed. “I hope we can convince Michael to keep him this way, it's a lot better.”

“Not for me!” The robot in question had finally managed to get his face out of the skirt and shouted at them through the gaps between her fingers. His brothers immediately turned their attention to source of the noise.

“Miss Carolina,” Jon asked. “Why does your hand sound like The Spine?” She didn't bother to contain her laughter as she began to raise it.

“No no no, don't you even!” The Spine hissed, pinning one finger in place, causing her to roll her eyes.

“Sorry, you dug you're own grave for this one.” she replied as she used the captured digit to ensnare him around his waist and lift him into clear view of the other robots. “Oh, hey! Would you look at that, I found him!” The pair beamed as they attempted to grab him, causing Carolina to quickly jerk him away. “Hey, finder's keepers!” They took this as a legitimate claim, and instead crowded uncomfortably close .

“Spine, what were you doing in Miss Carolina's skirt?” Rabbit asked as his younger sibling tried to escape the technician's clutch.

“That's not important-”  
“Actually, it is a little.” she smirked.

He paused to looked up at her with what could be only described as pure contempt, then back to his brothers. “-What is is that you are not keeping me this way!”

The Jon frowned. “But Spiiiine,” he whined. “You're so adorable like this!”

“Ye-ye-yeah!” Rabbit agreed. “You really are my little brother now, huh?” Carolina giggled at the remark, while The Spine continued to squirm in her grip.

“You were never that much older than me to begin with, Rabbit,” he hissed. “And even if I'm currently vertically challenged, I still act the part a lot more than you!”

The Jon squeaked again. “See what I mean? You're so cute when you're all angry like that!” He extended a finger and tilted The Spine's fedora over his eyes, getting a low growl from the miniature robot.

“You're looking at this way t-t-too negatively,” Rabbit chimed in. “Think of all the fun things you can do while be-be-being tiny!”

“Yeah!” The Jon added. “We could get Wanda's old doll house out and you can pretend you're a princess!”

“Someone here tried to be a princess once, and I don't think it went to well...” The Spine muttered as he nudged his hat back into place. Neither of his siblings seem to have heard, as Rabbit continued the train of thought.

“No, he'd be a c-c-cowboy princess, saving the lady dolls from Petes' old action figures as they raided the castle!”

“Then they'd go to the moon and fight space pirates!”

“And become the royal family of the milky way!”

“I bet we've still got that old box of doll clothes around here somewhere...”

At this point, Carolina had dissolved into gales of laughter, while The Spine was silently fuming.

“I bet he'd look really nice in a pink dress!” Jon beamed.

“Nah, I'd say red,” Rabbit shrugged. “Go-go-goes with his eyes.”

“But he already wears that pink ro-”  
“Enough!” he screamed as loud as he could manage. His brothers stopped dead in their tracks and exchanged a nervous glance. The miniature automaton's upper lip was pulled back in a snarl and steam puffs rising from the smokestacks along his back, while the woman holding him looked on confused, not exactly sure what to do. “I am not a toy, and the two of you need to stop treating me like one! In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly having very much fun being stuck like this, and getting tossed around by the two of you isn't helping!”

The Jon looked away from him while Rabbit grimaced, both seemingly embarrassed.

“We're sorry, Spine,” Jon mumbled, Rabbit's head bobbed with him. “We didn't mean to bug you.”

“Well, I kinda did,” Rabbit shrugged. “'Cause you always act like you're older and more mature, so it's pretty funny to see you be reminded of who the big brother really is here,” Jon unsubtly nudged him in the ribs. “But I can totally stop.” he quickly added.

“I'd appreciate it if you did.” it sounded more like a threat than a request.

The Jon grinned at him, “Okay, we promise, right, Rabbit?” The copper bot quickly nodded.

“Yeah, what Jon said!”

The Spine exhaled a tiny cloud of steam, then took a moment to compose himself before speaking again.

“Thank you.” he said softly, looking just a little less worried.

The Jon smiled again and reached towards him. “D'you mind if I...?” he asked, gesturing to Carolina's hand. “No quesadillas this time, really.”

His older brother looked down at the disturbingly pale fingers currently wrapped around his waist, then back to him. “Well, anything's better than this, I suppose.”

“Wow, rude.” Carolina scoffed, but let Jon's fingers take her place. The Spine could've sworn he'd heard her mutter “Be careful with him,” under her breath, but didn't have the time to think on it before the younger bot swung him over to Rabbit, who leaned in a little too close, looking over his tiny brother.

“I still think y-y-you really ought to consider staying like this,” he said. “You really can do a ton of cool stuff at this size!”

“I feel more like you just want to keep up this power trip as long as possible.” he replied, and Rabbit shrugged.

“I won't-t-t deny that, but still, you could totally do some awesome stuff on the next album like this!”

The Spine frowned at him. “Rabbit, my guitar is six times my size, I think I'm gonna be out of commission in music for the next little while.”

“But you sound the same!” The Jon cut in. “You can definitely still sing, we'll just have to put the microphone lower!”

“And you know how to p-p-play the piano,” Rabbit added. “You could dance across the keys!”

“We need to try this,” Jon declared, then quickly looked to his brother. “I mean, if you're okay with it, Spine.”

The silver robot seemed to ponder the idea for a moment, then nodded. “It's worth a try, I guess, could be interesting.”

“Yes!” The Jon shouted, grabbing his other older brother with his free hand. “C'mon, Rabbit, we've got music to make! Thanks for finding him, Miss Carolina!”

“Yeah, thanks a ton!” Rabbit added.

“No problem,” she replied, then looked back to The Spine, a smirk on her lips and one eyebrow raised.

“Oh, don't give me that look,” he muttered. “You did nothing to help.”

“Whatever,” she said flippantly, picking her paper back up. “As long as I don't have to deal with a whiny little version of you, it all turned out well.” She noticed another little puff of steam escape one of his smokestacks as he opened his mouth to shoot back, but Jon decided to take off right there and then, dragging Rabbit and him off and leaving his comments up to her imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where I'm going with this fic as of this chapter, plus, I'm on vacation from tomorrow to Sunday, so who knows what will happen?


End file.
